Bearing Bad News.

Dragons aren’t real.

I hate to be the bearer of terrible news but Dragons aren’t real, nor are Elves and Orcs. Magic isn’t possible. Giants aren’t out there herding woolly mammoths. I can’t hike a continent in half an hour and people do get mad if I jump on their tables and kick everything onto the floor while waving a knife and wearing only ragged underpants and a helmet.

Are we clear on this? Fantasy is fantasy? Shit, the name kind of gave it away. We accept that video games are, in the vast majority of cases, a complete fiction don’t we? We’re on the same page there right?

Though I suppose we can’t be because I keep seeing people cry about “accuracy” when it comes to video games. Inevitably they’re crying this in response to things like people suggesting that perhaps a game doesn’t need rape or could use some non-white characters. “Accuracy!” they cry, referring to history as if the fact that women and people of colour were treated even worse in the past somehow must be represented in their game of LEARNING TO SPEAK DRAGON AND SHOUTING GOATS OFF CLIFFS.

“It’s accurate to the military!” they cry about not having women soldiers, despite the fact we do and their game involves remote controlling a dog through a war torn future United States.

Of course when you suggest that massive breast-revealing armour isn’t accurate to history suddenly artistic licence reappears. It’s ok to do that because it’s not real!

It’s almost as if their arguments aren’t based on anything beyond being spiteful little bigots who want everything their own way. It’s almost as if their core hatred for people different from them informs their arguments and their crusades are nothing more than outlets for the pathetic wet fart that constitutes their personality.

Who’d have thought eh? Who’d have thought?

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